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Author Topic: How has the fetish affected your life?  (Read 1217 times)

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Offline vayeate

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« on: 13-Jan-15, 05:22 PM »
Hey everyone,

I've been a member of this and similar forums for a few years now, and they've always made me feel a bit more 'normal' about myself seeing all of the other people sharing similar interests. I've read posts before about people 'struggling' with this, but I never really felt that way. I've never shared this interest with anyone I personally know (at least not the extent of it), but I've never felt 'unhappy' about it. I just always enjoyed my personal life, and have always kind of 'preferred' a solo 'sex life' over having a partner.

For my New Year's resolution, I'm trying to figure out if this is really what I want (I'm overall pretty happy, but the 'normal' thing seems to be to want to be in a relationship, have a family, etc, and even though I can't imagine possibly wanting that, I'm worried that in 20 years, when it's a bit late to be starting that, I'll suddenly decide that is what I wanted). Again, this has always been a private thing for me. I guess maybe I'm 'ashamed' of it or something. So, I figured I'd try to start a discussion about it with anonymous strangers on the internet. I'm just betting on 2 things: That no one I know visits this website, and that if somehow someone stumbled across this, that I won't have publicly posted enough identifying information about myself. :)

So, I'm curious how other people have dealt with this. I want to see if this topic can become sort of a forum for this. I'll give some more background on how I came to this decision in another post, but I want to keep this post to more of just a topic introduction. If you want to participate, great! Maybe this can be a sort of 'wrestling fetish anonymous' support group :). If not, maybe there will still be something helpful for you here. Or maybe I'll be the only person posting. No way to know without trying.

My hope is that this will be a place for people to find out that there may be other people out there with the same feelings, fears, uncertainties, whatever. To be able to read something and say "Wow, I can completely relate to that." My fear is that this will just be me talking about myself, and then forever worrying that someone will stumble across this and associate it with me :) But, as part of my resolution I'm trying to more often just say 'fuck it' and see what happens.

If you'd like to share something, please do. I'm trying to tell myself 'these are just a bunch of anonymous strangers, some of them may relate, some won't judge, and who cares about the others." Maybe you can do that too!

Vayeate

Offline vayeate

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #1 on: 13-Jan-15, 06:27 PM »
This ended up a lot longer than I was expecting. But hopefully someone finds this helpful to their lives, and maybe it encourages others to share:

So, a bit about myself. I'm in my late twenties, and as far as I can remember have had this 'fit girls beating up guys' fetish. I don't know exactly when it started. I know that I always played Chun-Li in Street Fighter :). I know it went back as far as middle school. I can remember some experiences, and even early images I came across online, but I can't put them all in a 'what came first' order, or if any of my memories are actually the true cause.

I've always been intelligent. I tested well as a child, and my parents and teachers always told me that I was 'special' and that I may 'not be interested in the same things as other kids.' This feedback gave me somewhat of a 'superiority complex' when it came to a lot of things, that looking back I wish I didn't have. I was never interested in sports, only had a handful of friends, etc. I always leaned on the crutch of "it's because I'm special and better than them" instead of ever making an effort. When some kids brought a Playboy to school, I really wasn't that interested. I wasn't interested in naked females, I was interested in scantily clad females being physically superior to men, whether it was playing basketball, wrestling, or whatever. I actually prefer them having some clothes on because maybe it seems more 'plausible.' But even these things I just thought it was somehow superior thinking.

I remember having crushes on girls throughout grade school and high school. I didn't date much, but I had a few girl friends throughout. This is probably also around where we got high speed internet and I started my 'mixed wrestling collection.' Again, I don't completely remember the timeline, and I don't really know for sure any cause-and-effect relationships. A lot of this is just guesses. Over time, though, I stopped really being interested in dating. I'd still talk to girls and go on dates, but never really had any relationships. I was just following the motions of what I felt I was supposed to be doing. I never really felt any emotional attachments to any of these girls either. In fact, I really wasn't 'feeling' much of anything. Never felt great happiness, never felt sadness, never felt love. These were all words, but they had no meaning. I couldn't decide if they were real or not, but it always surprised me when my friends acted on these emotions similar to people in the movies. They acted that way, so I emulated. I just figured this was part of me being 'special.' I see a situation, I logically determine the correct emotional response, and I do it. For my friends and family, I appear to be a very caring person. I just kind of assumed everyone was doing this. That emotions aren't real drives, they are just fulfilling expectations of how to react to events. So, I kept talking to girls, hoping that either everyone felt the same, or these 'feelings' were something that just kind of 'snapped into existence' at the appropriate time. Then late in my freshman year of college I discovered something horrifying: I had absolutely no trouble 'performing' to my porn collection, but when I got a real girl naked in front of me I was a no show. I came up with all sorts of excuses. "Catholic guilt." "Just nervous." Etc. I had expected that when the time came, that it was supposed to be 'the best thing in life' and that since I had no issues alone the thought had never entered my mind that it might not just go smoothly. I even considered that maybe I was gay, since I really did prefer scantily clothed women to naked women, so associated 'not liking naked women' to 'gay.' However, not being attracted to men regardless of clothing was a bit of a problem with that theory. This was actually a bit of a disappointment, because I consider being gay a completely acceptable thing. But I wasn't gay. But I didn't really consider myself straight. So maybe I was something 'unacceptable.' A confusing time.

Fast forward through college, I was eventually able to 'perform' with a couple of girls, but never well, and it was always a struggle. I much preferred being alone to being with another person anyway, and the struggle certainly was not worth it. Plus, I still didn't have any 'feelings' towards anyone or anything. I thought maybe having sex would create this emotional connection, but it didn't. I did well in classes, graduated, and got a good pay, low demand job (that I am still at to this day). But now I was at the end of my 'life milestones.' You know, I was supposed to be born, go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, die. But i have no interest in the 'getting married' or 'having kids' part. And the pace of the first milestones was dictated by the unrelenting march of time, I had no choice but to pass them. So, now I'm at a point where to move on I have to have some sort of motivation.

I want to be very clear here: I like my life. I have a great job, I have a great group of friends, I have an active social life, it's just that I'm not interested in moving on. I actually feel like I would be perfectly content to continue on like this forever. I just have this nagging worry that I won't feel the same far in the future when it is too late to change anything. That's why for my New Year's resolution I'm 'trying something new.' I'm really not concerned if it works out or not, it's just a curiosity. I want to know if it's possible for me to feel any differently. The 'normal' thing is to want to move on. Am I just 'special' and just not interested in that? I don't know. Which makes it feel kind of stupid. I'm essentially trying to change my life when I'm not really sure if there is anything I want to change. But, I stumbled across the NoFap reddit, and read some of the posts there. There are a lot of people there that seem to feel similar to the way I do. There is also a lot of anecdotal (and a bit of scientific) evidence that several of these issues (lack of emotions, lack of interest in dating, psychological ED) can be caused simply by 'being addicted' to porn. There are a lot of 'I found Jesus!' type posts there where people claim this changed everything in their lives, but there are plenty of more reasonable sounding posts. So, I thought I'd give it a try.

For at least 90 days, I'm completely giving up masturbating and porn, just to see if any of these effects are real. I made a post in the insider section about this, and said that I would not be coming back to the forum for a while to avoid temptation, but I'm currently 16 days in and it's been much easier than I thought. Several of the posts I had read on NoFap were people actually having drug withdrawal like symptoms. Luckily for me it has been "I said I wasn't going to do this, so I'm not doing it." This gave me the confidence to be able to come back and participate in discussion here, without worrying about a 'relapse.' (Although I currently am running "Block Image" extension for this webpage :)) So, I thought I'd come here, share my story and see if anyone else has a similar story to share. I know it would be helpful for me to hear about others with similar experiences. Or maybe no one else will share, and that's fine too. That doesn't exclude the possibility that some lurker here will read this post and get something out of it. Or maybe I just told a long story about myself for no real reason :)

I don't really have a whole lot to say about my experience with NoFap so far. Basically, I feel like it is stupid that I am giving up something that I like because I don't really believe it will change anything. But, it also hasn't been at all 'difficult' yet. I'm actually hoping this changes, because it would mean that at least something is happening. But, for now I continue on. For now though, I'm honestly just waiting for the 'time to be up' and looking forward to the backlog of videos that may build up over that time. I know that's not the 'best' way to think, and I'm not doing it on purpose, it's just what my brain is honestly doing right now :).

Wow, that ended up a lot longer than I expected. I'm worried that some might read this as a 'sad story' and that I'm looking for pity, or perhaps that parts of it are me bragging or something, but it's not. I'm very content with my life, and these are just the facts of it. I'm just trying to open up a discussion on these topics and for others to share their experiences. I'm essentially trying to 'data mine' to see if others have similar experiences, and how they feel about it.

I'll just push Post now before I ramble on more :) If you made it this far I'd assume you are either a very patient person or perhaps could relate to some of this.

Offline Ronald_Frump

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #2 on: 13-Jan-15, 06:30 PM »
This is something I've been into for as long as I can remember. When I got into this fetish, it was a lot more underground and less acceptable than it is now - there was no internet, or easy access to support groups with similar interests (which is what I hope we cater for, here). So the feelings of being marginalized, or excluded from society were, IMHO, greater than they are today. I am somewhat "advanced" in years now, which lends credence to the belief that you are what you are and it is better to come to terms with that, than to try to be something that you aren't.....

.....if you know what I mean  :-\

It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin.
« Last Edit: 13-Jan-15, 06:42 PM by Stewie_Griffin »
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Offline vayeate

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #3 on: 13-Jan-15, 09:11 PM »
...which lends credence to the belief that you are what you are and it is better to come to terms with that, than to try to be something that you aren't.....

.....if you know what I mean  :-\

It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin.


I definitely think people should be who they are, and I think that as a whole society is much more accepting of all sorts of stuff than it was even 20 years ago. In my own head I make the broad generalization that racism was common in my grandparents' generation, homophobia common in my parents' generation, and I wonder what bigotry I may unknowingly have that will be appalling to the next generation :).

I do think that this forum has helped me to be more comfortable with myself... or at least more open. I guess I never thought of it that way. I always considered myself comfortable with myself, just not comfortable with other people knowing stuff about me. Maybe that is uncomfortable with myself? It's definitely something for me to think about. I don't think my current 'test' is me trying to be something I am not. I'm definitely not trying to get rid of the wrestling fetish, I have absolutely no doubt that that is who I am. I do want to see what I would do with my time if I didn't dedicate so much of it here, though :). I'm a pretty big nerd (that's something I'm comfortable with people knowing) and see it as trying to gather data to better understand myself. I find reading about how other people experience life fascinating, and when there are overlaps with how I experience mine I sometimes find it useful in understanding myself. The more data points, the better :). Thanks for the response!

Offline imafire

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« Reply #4 on: 17-Jan-15, 06:27 PM »
hey vayeate, great post, same age here, and i can certainly relate.

i was in denial about my fetish which probably began sometime in elementary school. i can remember fantasizing about being powerbombed  :P

i finally accepted or at least indulged around 8th grade, when i too discovered this was all over the internet. and yeah, that certainly helped me feel less weird about it. but i was ashamed, thought i was weird, and hid my fetish from anyone i knew.

as i got older i found coy ways to engage girls in conversation about it, which to this day im pretty ashamed about. doing this finally caught up with me. a few of my best friends had by this point discovered some files on my computer a couple of times. they knew. they only thought it was weird that i hid it. fast forward to when my girlfriend (who i had had one of these coy conversations with) was hanging out with my other best friends girlfriend in my bedroom while me and the guys were in my garage playing music.

i had a pretty strict "dont go near my fucking computer" rule for this reason, which people obviously broke. the two girls wanted to get on my computer apparently, when my friends girlfriend said something along the lines of "oh its because he has porn." so they got curious and searched, and found what they found. they didnt tell me this, but eventually my girlfriend and i got in a big fight and it came up and she told me. i denied it at first. then i found out she had discussed it with the other girls boyfriend, again one of my best friends. so finally i discussed it with him, like a giant "coming out" moment. he knew, they all knew. he was a little bit bothered by the coy methods of mine, and i dont blame him. but again, he said they all only thought it was strange that i hid it.

so i felt freed, stopped hiding it, and told pretty much everyone close to me at the time. never even a hint of judgment. in fact theres no one ive ever told that even thought the fetish was weird, including any of my girlfriends. these days, its not something i go around sharing, for obvious reasons, but if it comes up between me and my closest friends, its fine, and i can discuss it. part of the shame stems from the fact that this fetish is pretty much it for me sexually. but whats funny about that is that if im having a buddy to buddy conversation about girls, my current best friend will, instead of something like "you want to fuck her", say something like "you want her to beat you up." "dude what if so and so did the move on you?". its a big joke, and thats fine with me.

ultimately ive learned a few lessons, and i agree with you that being comfortable with yourself is important, id say crucial. instead of doing the stupid coy shit i did, and am to this day ashamed about, i probably could have "gotten beat up" a million times and been a million times more successful romantically too. i think it can go a long way to have someone close to you know. as much as we can relate to everybody on this forum, if thats your only outlet, i think its easy to still feel "weird" and hidden about it.

just my two cents :)

Offline vayeate

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #5 on: 24-Jan-15, 11:11 AM »
Thanks for sharing that, imafire. It's certainly encouraging :) I've had a couple girlfriends that I've mentioned it to, but never that it's really exclusively what I'm interested in. Really, I bet if people knew it'd probably be less weird than whatever guesses they make about why I rarely date. It's a bit weird for me that whenever I stumble across something like this about someone else, I really don't think anything of it. I always have the mentality of "if you aren't negatively affecting other people, I don't care what you think, believe or do" but for some reason I always assume others won't feel the same. But I know that even though it's a big deal for me that it'd would barely even register as something for my friends to even think about if they knew. I'm glad it turned out well for you!

Offline hate1991

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« Reply #6 on: 26-Jan-15, 04:43 AM »
u just describing me in your posts. same feelings. i'm 24 and never talked about it with anyone.
i have a girlfriend for 3 years and just threw one clue when we were at the start- saying that i didn't watch normal porn ever in my life.

even though we seems to be many here i'm pretty sure no one i know entering the sites i have. i'm guessing that it's one of 500 people  favourite fantasy...
dont be lazy, give thanks if u like =]

Offline vayeate

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #7 on: 09-Mar-15, 05:32 PM »
So didn't make it to the 90 days :) But figured I'd stop by and share my defeat in case there are any lurkers that were reading this.

I actually 'relapsed' a few times. I've had a few times of 22 days, 7 days, 14 days. What it has told me is that it definitely takes some motivation to stick to. I was able to stick to my first 'streak' for the longest because I was taking it the most seriously. I avoided all 'triggers,' which is basically any site on the internet. I didn't even browse 'theChive' since there are so many pictures of hot girls. I'm somewhat 'giving up' for the long streaks for now since the weather is getting warmer, and I don't have the willpower with my leg fetish to see girls out jogging in the nice weather and maintain my 'abstinence.'

From this I have learned that I do want to 'cut back' on my porn consumption. After about 2 weeks of no PMO I think I have more 'confidence.' I talk with girls more. I don't actually 'feel' any different, but I find that the longer I go the more I am talking with girls. No sort of 'emotional connections,' but even if that was a possibility I'm sure I'd have to go more than 2 weeks. I have difficulty sticking with anything if I don't have a reasonable expectation of success, and 'going 3 months without porn for the possibility of success' wasn't enough. I'm going to try to 'ease' into it. So, not completely giving up, but not just going cold turkey.

Advantages to giving up PMO that I have noticed are:
  * more energy. Not all the time, but if I watch porn then I'm pretty much done for the day. I just want to sit around on the couch the rest of the day and it takes a lot of motivation to do so. If I hadn't watched porn there is less inertia to get moving. So, I don't feel 'energetic' all of the time, but I don't get into that 'not going to move' stage that I enter after porn.
  * don't have to worry about people dropping by.  I don't have to worry about what I left up on my computer, if there is an awkward bottle of hand lotion sitting next to the computer, etc. I don't feel like if we're out and people decide to come back to my place I have to race home first and make sure everything is 'tidy' since it is already in that state.
  * talk to women more. I guess I just don't feel like there is a need to talk to real women when I have unlimited, easy access to a large supply of unrealistically attractive women who do exactly what I want :)

These are what I have as 'concrete' results. They are the things that I know I can accomplish. So, I think I'm going to start doing 2-week 'sprints.' The hope is this makes it easier to extend the length of time later. Of course, it may just have the opposite effect and I train my brain to take longer to 'recover' before seeing results.

I think I'm going to have to develop some technical means to restrict my access though. I obviously don't have the willpower to completely abstain for months at a time, and I certainly am not willing to delete my collection (that would pretty much require absolute certainty that there would be positive results). Maybe some sort of timed lock-out mechanism...

Anyway, I'm somewhat back now, so just thought I'd check in.

Offline imafire

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« Reply #8 on: 14-Mar-15, 09:26 AM »
hey vayeate, and congratulations on the successes you have had. when i replied originally, i failed to note a few of my opinions. i most certainly think fetishes of all kinds CAN, of course, be harmful to a person or persons, or just downright have some of the negative side effects you mention. frankly it can be just as, if not more, complicated when you find a partner even if they eagerly meet your needs.

have you considered therapy? ive considered it myself but only considered it. personally i find the fact that this fetish is exclusive for me troubling. ive known people who have attended therapy (not over this fetish) and i sing its praises even though i have no experience. but if the fetish negatively impacts your life as you describe, even though youve clearly demonstrated some control over it, i think it could be worth looking into.

Offline thehorse

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« Reply #9 on: 09-May-15, 05:51 AM »
Dude...  I'm pretty psyched this got started up.  I'm in the same way man.  Like, okay... 24, I've got a decent job that I enjoy; I chill with good people and I'm not unhappy about anything.  But the lack of motivation to be in a relationship I think that's the biggest thing!  I started getting into this stuff when...  Okay well actually I always was haha I remember being in elementary school waking up from dreams of Sailor Moon fighting Tuxedo Mask and just being like... DA FUCK?! 

On a trip to my cousins place one year; I had always been the to myself kind of guy and my cousins were older than me so they'd chill with my sisters.  I ended up spending the night using the computer and it was the first time I ever typed in, "boy vs girl wrestling" the video was of a blonde girl in a black sports outfit wrestling a dude in red shorts and a tanktop (I'm pretty sure it was surferdude or something if anyone knows what I'm talking about give me a holler I wouldn't mind trying to find that one again) and that night I went crazy checking stuff out.  Backyard fights, Luzia vs Petr, other ones where the guy just sat there getting headscissored (My taste has always been for the competitive so these ones just bored me; sorry squeezequeensfans ;) ).  The big thing here is I didn't know what the heck a search history was and went on my merry way.  The thought of the probability that someone at that house finally stumbled upon all that stuff and knew what went down haunts me to this day.

Fast forward to high school and I'm now a regular old pro at this stuff.  I know the sites; I know what I'm into.  Youtube is still pretty new so it's easier to find good videos.  Things are going great and I feel like I'm so damn incognito and my little brother comes in one day.  No worries we're just chilling and I'm like alright dude I'm going to play my games now and his response is, "Are you going to watch wrestling?" This kid is 10 years younger than me not yet old enough to think about this stuff I'm just like, "What?" and he just smiles and says he's heard mom and dad talking about it before strolling out.  My entire idea of what I had going on was crushed, they knew?!  What were their thoughts on it?

No answers ever came, I graduated and now lived in an apartment with two girls.  I was now in the stage where I could finally buy my own videos and oh in that first year did I spend WAYYY too much.  I was the only one in the laptop so I totally got the whole "BACK OFF MY COMPUTER" vibe whenever I'd get home and one of them would be on facebook.  No one ever said anything about it so I was just like... okay maybe we're all in the clear.  Than one day we're just drunk hanging out having a play argument and my roommates like, "Dude you're into some weird shit!" and I'm like what? "The wrestling thing!" she says, "fucking weird!".  Like a drunken hero I quickly searched my mental history to her last lay, a dude that was really into feet but liked to have sex with socks on. "At least I'm not into feet dude."  She conceided that this was true and we went on with the night.  Later she ended up telling me she was into treating sex and foreplay like a fight which set my brain on overdrive. (We ended up throwing a pudding wrestling party that year... good night).

Now I've been out of school for a good minute and am now caught up in my own life.  Obviously I'm here so I'm still into this stuff but the drawback like vayeate was saying is I have no super desire to actually find a relationship.  I have a good life I do.  Theres always this weird empty feeling though in knowing like...  I want to get married someday.  But it's gotta be with someone who knows about this and has made peace with it.  I'm not saying, "hey girl just so you know I'm going to be downloading videos of chicks who aren't you!" but like...  Someone who I can be like, "this is what I'm into." and there's no feeling of being judged to go with it.  It just is.

That'd be rad :)
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Offline ass kicked by girls

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How has the fetish affected your life?
« Reply #10 on: 09-May-15, 04:09 PM »
if im having a buddy to buddy conversation about girls, my current best friend will, instead of something like "you want to fuck her", say something like "you want her to beat you up." "dude what if so and so did the move on you?"

   :wow: <2up>

 

amoebic